This was a post I wrote May 2012 on
another blog that I am no longer posting on.......
As I am
struggling through this challenging time right now investing lots of time and
money in Therapy for Ganesha I often wonder to myself what am I
doing, is it making any difference or am I just creating
more frustration and stress for all of us. This morning was one of
those mornings. Ganesha was not allowed back in school until she was cleared by
her Psychiatrist to return to school, so we spent the morning at the office of
the therapist and psychiatrist getting seen and cleared to return to school. Me
I felt like it was judgment day and was waiting for the shoe to drop yet once
again, sitting there all morning with the my stomach in my chest.
Judgment
time...I am called into the office to speak with the Psychiatrist. That is when
I learn that it is all worth it and that we have created a safe environment for
Ganesha there where she can begin to really speak her feelings and ask for
help. While visiting with the Psychiatrist today she blurted out that the she
hates her life because mommy hates her. As heartbreaking it is to hear your 6
year old suffering with such big and painful feelings/issues it was warming to
my heart to know that I have successfully created a place for her
where she feels safe enough to express these feelings. Just knowing that alone
makes all the struggles worth it, in the therapy office we have created a
little ray of light.
Now
the next challenge with Briana being on home school for
the remainder of the year is to find the school setting where a
similar space can be created for her and she can continue to grow there as
well.
Today
April 16, 2013.......
Knowing
that I have created a safe little world for Ganesha where she has not been
asked to leave school, since starting the new school, and she is comfortable
though still hesitant to tell me when she is not happy with her life.
I have seen amazing changes in her over the past 11 months; we have gone
months where she seems like a happy child. Not quite carefree but happy
for the majority of the time. Ganesha's general stress levels seem lower,
except at certain times when she is reminded of the losses she has suffered in
her life.
My
struggle now is how do I keep her safe in the world. Terrible things
happen in this world and while she needs to know about them she takes them so
hard and personally. I struggled all last night about telling Ganesha
about the terror attacks in Boston yesterday, I finally decided to tell her
that there was an explosion. I told her that two people died and many
people were hurt badly. She asked me questions about what kind of
injuries they had and I answered her questions. I
also reassured that the people I knew in the Boston area (having gone
to college in Boston) were all fine. Ganesha went off to sleep without
any hesitations. I went downstairs to watch TV after she was asleep and
feel asleep with the TV on a news channel. Ganesha came to get me in the
middle of the night. Before I woke she spent some time watching TV and
was able to tell me that a child died when I woke. Imagine my horror when
my child was telling me about a child dying from something that I was trying
hard to protect her from. This morning we didn't get a chance to talk
about because we were running late for school. Ganesha had
a challenged day at school but by the afternoon she was able to pull
herself together Something that a year ago she would have
never been able to do.
I
will not get to talk to her until tomorrow morning since she will be
asleep when I get home from after 8 pm When I do I will keep the
following quote in mind:
""When I was a boy and I would see scary things in
the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always
find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster,’ I
remember my mother’s words and I am always comforted by realizing that there
are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.” - Mr Rogers
I
am going to try emphasizing the positive things that happened. How
everyone was helping all the people go hurt. How the people who were
running finished running and ran to the closest hospital to give blood to help
the wounded. How people from cities all over the country are sending
prayers and love to the people of Boston. How the Yankees are playing
"Sweet Caroline" tonight during the third inning to show their
support for Boston.
When
these horrible things happen in this world is when we get to see the best of
mankind. This is when we as country, as
a people come tighter and show the world what it means to be an American and
what it is to be proud of our country.
It does not matter who did this to us we are going to take a stand to
them and show them that we are better than this and they cannot get us
down.
These
are the lessons I want my daughter to learn from these horrible events of
yesterday. Not that the world is a
horrible place filled with violence, but a place filled with people who are
willing to unite under tough times and stand together. Just as she and I stand together on a daily
basis through our high points and low points.
That really the world is not a lot different from our little family and
that she should not scare but embrace it and go out there and live it in it.
11
months ago she would not have been able to hear this lesson, now I think that
she is. I just need to find the right
time.
